Nightmares & Daydreams
by jennibare
Summary: **COMPLETE** During Zuko's fever in Ba Sing Se, he experienced many nightmares. Here's one of them. But the dreams don't stop in Ba Sing Se. Bumped the rating to T for a very, extremely mild reference.
1. Chapter 1

**I leave for my trip in three hours and last night I was so excited I had a hard time sleeping so what happened, a little plot bunny jumped in my head. I woke early this morning to get this out to you before I take off. This takes place during "The Earth King" when Zuko is having those nightmares. Here's one of them.**

Nightmares

He found himself standing in the main hallway at his family's beach house on Ember Island, which was funny since they hadn't been there in years. He looked upon the family portrait and found that it was different. Where his father should have been sitting, an older version of himself sat with his hand on the shoulder of a little girl. In his mother's place sat a strange looking woman, yet she was somehow familiar. He just couldn't place where he knew her from. Her arms held an infant and at her feet was another little girl. The family looked happy so he was almost of the mind that it couldn't be his family. Maybe someone else had taken over this house.

On the table below it, where once his handprint made in clay had lain, were three others. They looked fresh, as if still laying out to dry. He didn't dare pick them up to examine them, but he did run a hand over the little fingers. A surge of something remenscent to paternal pride swelled in him which was odd since he was only 16. He had never had a girlfriend let alone anything to become a father. This was very odd indeed.

The sound of the ocean beckoned him to join and to its call he went. He didn't seem to walk, glide perhaps, or maybe float? Next thing he knew he was standing at the edge of the beach watching two little girls race the tides while a woman sat beside an even smaller little boy in the sand making sandcastles. The little family's laughter filled his ears over the gentle lapping of the waves against the shore.

Part of him felt that swell of pride again. The other part felt envy, anger, sadness.

Zuko didn't think it was possible for those smiling faces to get brighter but when they looked his way, they did.

"Daddy!" both girls screamed out at once. As fast as their little legs could carry them, they rush towards him.

The woman and baby slowly rose from their sandy perch and followed the little girls.

He felt half of him bend down and lift the littler of the two girls into his arms, instantly getting her little arms around his neck. The other hugged around his waist burying her face into his stomach.

As the woman approached, recognition swept over him.

It was that girl who traveled with the Avatar. The cursed waterbender. But she looked older. Like him. What is she doing here? Why wasn't he attacking her? Why wasn't she attacking him? Why was she smiling at him like that? She never had smiled at him like that before. What the hell is going on?

Zuko felt himself step out of his body. The older self that had been in the picture walked towards her. He saw the smile on his face also. Zuko rushed to stop him.

"Protect the children from her, stupid!" he tried to yell as he grabbed at the man's robes. "She's the enemy! Attack her! The Avatar must be here! Get the Avatar. Not the woman. What are you doing idiot?"

Then he watched his older self slide a hand past her hip to her lower back pulling her into him as well he could with the child she held and the child he held. He watched in horror as his older self leaned his head down as she tilted her head up. As their lips came closer and closer, he felt himself fly into his older self and just as his lips met hers, he felt it.

Love. Devotion. Security. Safety. More than anything though, he felt love.

This scared him. He began to panic. He had not felt those feelings since his mother had left. And now here he was feeling it with that waterbender.

This isn't right, so why did it feel so wonderful?

He felt himself pull away from his older self again. He watched this time in terror of losing that feeling. He wanted it back. Zuko had missed it so much and there it was and now it was gone. He felt the sand slide up and over his feet. From where he stood, the sand devoured him as he watched in envy, sadness, joy, that little family walk away from him. Tears filled his eyes. Screams left his mouth. Anger and sadness consumed him. He reached out for them. Cried out for them to help.

The older self just turned slightly and looked down at him. Hope filled his expression as a knowing smile spread across his lips.

Just before the sand completely engulfed him, he awoke. He still felt the tears streaming down is cheeks. He felt the loss of those feelings surround him.

"Are you okay, Nephew?"

Turning his head quickly, he saw his Uncle gazing upon him with almost the same expression. this made the tears flow further.

Zuko wondered if he would ever get that feeling again from someone other than Uncle. Maybe that was what the knowing older self was telling him.

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**A quick little drabble. Let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I just can't leave my oneshots alone! Plus, I hated the ending last chapter and hope that this chapter will slightly make up for it.**** Pluuusss, I have major writer's block on my other stories. **

**And for those who think I'm a Kataanger, what with Zuko's nightmare at having Katara as his wife last chapter- ha! Not likely! You've obviously not read any of my other stuff. ^_^ **

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Ch. 2

That nightmare back in Ba Sing Se haunted him. Like the others, they floated in and out of his mind. The dragons circling him, his own bald head with the arrows, but that kiss. Agni! He almost wished for the dragons to eat him over that kiss.

During the day, thoughts of those dreams would float into his brain. He had begun to grow the fantasy out. Tucking those little children in at the beach house, kissing their little foreheads, and then going to his room with her and battling in a way that he had not really ever thought of prior. He felt guilty fantasizing about it, but he _was_ a teenage boy and that's just what they do. He wasn't dead after all. In that time he experienced his first kiss. That safe feeling he sought in the dreams were not there. Then, as life tends to do, the fantasies faded and so did the dreams. It had been well over a month since he had thought of her.

Being in that cave with her under the great city of Ba Sing Se haunted him. She was too close to him and it scared him. Visions of that stupid dream (nightmare) came back to him. All he could see was the older versions of themselves and those three little children. But it was her lips that distracted him. Made him stupid. Made him weak. He fought his entire teenage-hood to be seen as strong and here he was feeling like he was the mercy of a mere waterbending peasant's lips. He kept his back turned as she yelled at him, letting her wrath roll off his back like water off one of the turtleducks back home, trying to remain indifferent to this creature that had invaded his brain for longer than he wished. How or why she managed to start apologizing he wasn't quite sure of, something to do with their mothers, but somehow they managed a non-verbal truce. He faced her and it was the hardest thing he had done. She approached him with that little vial of magic water, or so she claimed, he felt his body stiffen. He prayed she wouldn't touch him. Then she did and he felt the smallest shock pass between them. It was odd to him. If she felt it too, she didn't show it. Half of him prayed she did so that he wouldn't think he was crazy. The other half prayed she didn't because he was crazy. Then the Avatar came and his uncle and the crazy half took over. He fought her. It wasn't just the words he spewed; he fought her so the thoughts would go away. If he filled his head with hatred, the love and safety he had felt would have nowhere to hide and he would be fine.

….

Being back in the Fire Nation haunted him. He had a girlfriend, Mai. She was beautiful and she certainly wasn't some peasant. The perfect girl for a prince. But whenever he felt Mai kissing him, stroking the back of his neck just the way he liked, it wasn't that same feeling. He knew he should like it more. As time went on, her feelings for him grew and, while he tried, other thoughts haunted him. Then on that stupid beach, where "your true self will be revealed", he broke down. His anger wasn't only about himself, it was about _her_, but he couldn't admit to something like that to these girls, especially not to his sister (it would give her more ammunition to harm the waterbender) and definitely not to Mai (he wasn't _that_ stupid). After the brief breakup and reconciliation, he and Mai retired to their shared bed amid a flurry of empty kisses and even emptier intimacy. Sleep over took both when they were done.

He was in the courtyard at the palace. The tension was thick. Energy high. He felt a presence behind him and it soothed his nerves. Then he saw blue light scream across the yard and her voice, that _waterbender_, filled with terror and agony, cries out. "Zuko!" Azula's maniacal laugh surrounds him as she transforms yet again to the blue dragon this time enveloping him, burrowing its way into his chest, flesh ripping away, searing his very being. He can't breathe, but at least he knows that _she_ is okay. He sacrificed himself as he should have before in Ba Sing Se. He watches her blue eyes fill with tears, for him, as she cries out again, for him, trying to reach him but is blocked by the crazed dragon thrashing about while laughing. Then he sees a protective fury in her eyes as she transforms into a giant red koi and attacks the dragon. Blackness starts to take over him as he watches her battle and finally defeat that evil, cackling dragon. The waterbender races to him and with her soothing touch, she heals him. He grips her hand and pulls her down. Lips so close to lips yet so far away, too far away, he can feel her heat, that warmth he has sought, that sensation of home that he so desired. Then he's awake and trying to catch his breath as he sits up straight. He feels the bed beside him shift and he looks down on the pale skin of his girlfriend, nude under the sheets of their bed on Ember Island.

"What's wrong with you?" Mai asks, looking over her shoulder at him with her golden eyes, a hint of irritation at the intrusive awakening.

Running a hand through his sweat dampened hair he tries to regain his composure. "Nothing," he leans down and kisses her bare shoulder, "Go back to sleep."

"You're so odd," she replies, snuggling back into the pillow. Zuko watches her and then shifts himself spooning against her. "I'm sorry," he whispers against her skin. He's suddenly not so sure who he's apologizing to.

For the first time in a long time, he cannot go back to sleep.

He's afraid to.

…

Being in their group haunted him. She was always around, always watching him no matter what he did; he almost couldn't leave her sight. If he knew that he hadn't betrayed her before and that the scar on the Avatar's back wasn't in some part his fault, he might have appreciated her attention and taken advantage of it. Guilt still plagued him, and the nightmares showed it. The dragons were back, the koi was back, the beach was back, and there were others that he could never quite explain. They were jumbled images of a home, a sun, a moon, a waterfall that transforms into flowing brown hair, rain showers that douses him in blue eyes, a never ending beach that he's too fearful of what would happen if he entered the water, what it would mean to take that step into its cool embrace.

It was two weeks away from the arrival of the comet. The little band of teens were at his family's island home. For some reason as the day approached the dreams came back. One night in particular, it was very detailed. They had tucked those little children into bed and arms around each other's waists went to their own room where they played little games only lovers can play. But the kisses were still just as haunting, just as emotional, just as passionate, perhaps even more so since he joined the Avatar's group. He woke with a start, and wiping his hands through his hair, decided he needed some fresh cool air. Padding his way down the hallway, all was quiet in the expansive house. Suddenly a feeling came over him and, as in that first dream, a siren's song called to him and he obeyed. In bare feet, he made his way down the steps walking across the sand, she was there. It was almost the full moon so he understood that she would not be asleep. In the moon's light, she bent the ocean's water. She was the epitome of her bending: beautiful and powerful.

Zuko plopped down in the sand and, arms resting on his knees, he watched entranced with her movements. Each one seemed new, different, or maybe because he wasn't on the receiving end of that water. Either way, he was always amazed at her power.

After some time, Katara noticed him and waved before making her way to where he sat on the sand.

"What are you doing up, Mr. I-Rise-With-The-Sun?" she teased, standing above him as she wrung the water from her hair before joining him in the sand.

"Couldn't sleep," he simply answered, not daring to meet her eyes.

Her forehead scrunched in worry, her open, honest eyes never left him. "What's wrong?" He denied anything, but she was the most convincing person, even more so than his sister. It must be a water tribe thing, to be so damn easy to confide in. He begins to tell her about the nightmares, the dreams, and when he begrudgingly confides about the ones with her, she has to hold her sides in pain from her laughter.

"Wait, that would mean I'd be the Fire Lady, right?" she began wiping away the tears, "That's hilarious! Could you seriously see me as Fire Lady?!"

Yeah, the idea was pretty preposterous.

"The Fire Sages' heads would probably explode at a waterbender being Fire Lady," Zuko observed, a slight smile gracing his lips at the absurdity of such a thing.

Katara's eyebrow went up as did the side of her lips in the snarkiest of smirks, "Besides I'm way too nice to be Fire Lady."

"My mother was nice," Zuko glowered, defending his beloved mother.

"Yeah, but she wasn't the Fire Lady. She was just a princess," Katara replied casually as she flicked her hair over her shoulder. He was impressed that she would remember that detail he had shared with her under Ba Sing Se.

"True. And besides you're way too stubborn."

"Well, when I know what I want, I get it," she admitted, nudging his shoulder with her own, inadvertently bringing herself closer to him.

"And you're definitely too outspoken."

"There's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion. But wait, it's because I'm a girl, right?" She turned her body, looking straight at him, practically challenging him, but it was the softness in her eyes that belied the severity of her question.

"No, no," he held up his hands in defeat, "Nothing wrong with a girl having an opinion. Besides, I don't think you'd know how not to keep your opinions to yourself," he teased.

He was promptly smacked in the arm for that, "Well excuse me for being so open. I guess we can't all bottle everything up."

"And you're bossy," he continued,

"Wait! Wouldn't that be a good thing? I mean, I would be the ruler of the nation," she observed.

Zuko laughed, "Yeah, I suppose it would be. And you're fiercely loyal." He tried to turn this conversation around on her.

"Yeah?" she held her head up proudly.

"And head strong. You don't take crap from anyone."

"Yeah?"

He nodded, "And honest."

"And…?" she prompted, leaning in slightly to him, unintentionally luring him in.

"And intelligent."

"And…?" she prompted again, leaning in just a bit more.

"And…" he leaned in until their lips are a breath away, "beautiful."

Eyes stare into eyes, uncertainty and confusion mixed with desire to go to the next step. Her tongue flicked out to her lips in anticipation before she made the decision to quickly place her lips gently against his before drawing away. In that ever so brief moment, Zuko felt it. What he had searched for. He leaned forward and kissed her again. Gently caressing her lips with his own before pulling away. He knew it had only been a moment in time, but it felt like eternity.

What he longed for. Safety. Home.

He knew from the look in her eyes, she felt the same spark. But confusion overruled desire to do it again. Instead they stared at each other as if trying to rationalize what just happened but neither could.

"I… I don't think… we should… do that… again," Katara murmured, biting her bottom lip, looking away shyly before staring back out at the waves, hugging her knees to her chest.

Although he could hardly speak he managed to agree with her, turning away also glowering at his stupidity, "You're right. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she whispered after a moment, so quietly he almost didn't hear.

They sat on the sand in awkward silence staring at the white-capped waves hitting the shore. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught her fingers float to her lips and that wistful look he was certain he had as well before returning to hug her knees.

"Well, I'll think I'll be going to bed now," Katara announced as she rose from the ground. "I hope you have a good night's sleep." She gently touched his shoulder before leaving him alone on the beach.

Zuko just nodded. He doubted it. And he was right. What they did should not have felt that good. What they did was stupid, and childish, and… and… and completely …right.

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**One more chapter is upcoming, then this story is done, man. I swear! **

**I had a really hard time getting the two to kiss, so if it felt rushed, I apologize. Mneh. I fail at buildup.  
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	3. Chapter 3

**Ch 3**

It'd been six years since the end of the war. Peace had been fragile at best and was certainly harder to maintain than war, but Zuko, now a 23-year-old man, always up for the challenges, met each one head on. Mai had stood by his side for some time, but as childhood romances do, their romance faded as they found their desires varied greatly after the war. He had become briefly involved with several other women after her, but none were what he was looking for.

He was met that spring afternoon by his friend, the waterbender, who helped him get to where he was today. Katara. It seemed she got lovelier each time he saw her. She wasn't the awkward little 15-year-old anymore, now a beautiful 21-year-old woman in flowing blue silk robes and brown hair styled in a very elaborate fashion appropriate for her visit to his homeland. He knew that she and the Avatar, his friend Aang, held a romance, but as with he and Mai, their childhood relationship faded as well, discovering that their desires differed as greatly as the changes the rest of the world made around them.

As she approached, beaming her brilliant smile as always, Zuko put on his trademark scowl. "Typically one would bow before the Fire Lord."

She stopped in mid-step, confusion plastered over her face. Since when had she had to bow to him? As she tilted her head in confusion and began to bow appropriately, he rushed her and surrounding her with his arms lifting her into the air, whispering into her hair, "But for you I always make the exception." He pulled away and she wrinkled her nose at him, slapping his chest.

"You're such a jerk! I thought you were being serious," her pout quickly turning to laughter, slipping her arm into the crook of his elbow as he led her inside the palace. He motioned behind him for the porters to bring her chests to her rooms.

There was comfortable silence between animated conversations as they ate their early evening meal, strolled around the palace, eventually finding themselves walking throughout the grounds until they reached gardens. Katara took it upon herself to find the coziest patch of grass and have a seat there, with Zuko following suit. She plucked a flower from the ground, bringing it to her nose while Zuko leaned back and closed his eyes, letting the sounds and smells of dusk in the palace take him away for a time.

She poked him in the side, a playful smile on her lips, "So have you been sleeping okay? No more nightmares?" She teased him to this day about that night on the beach six years ago.

He shook his head and couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped, "You remember that?"

"Of course I remembered!" she laughed, "You said I was the Fire Lady. How could I forget?"

"Well, there is one, where I've been riding a red dragon-"

Her laughter interrupted him. He turned and frowned slightly at her inconsideration.

"Sorry. Sorry!" she covered her mouth with her hand, "That just sounded… dirty." She whispered the last word like she was a little kid afraid of getting caught by her parents.

Zuko had to admit it did sound a little "dirty". He smirked and poked her in the side with his finger, "So you know about riding dragons, huh?"

She blushed prettily, turning a shade Zuko had never seen before. "Perhaps," she smiled secretly, "No. Honestly, I don't. I suppose if one caught my attention, I might be willing to see what it could do."

"So one hasn't caught your attention then?" He lifted an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes at her very curious. "I figured with as long as you and Aang were together, that…"

The words hung in the air not finishing the thought that crossed his mind on several occasions. Zuko watched as her lips lowered slightly and her brow furrowed before she turned her gaze to the twilight sky, running the flower under her nose. Zuko watched her for a moment expecting her to answer his question but she remained silent.

"I've had these… dreams too. Lately," Katara finally spoke up. Zuko turned to face her, resting his cheek in his palm as she continued, "I'm flying on Appa at first that then turns into a turtle-seal and then I'm riding an ostrich-horse and I'm trying to go home where my family has been waiting for me. I keep getting messages that I need to hurry, they're really excited to see me, but for some reason every turn is the wrong one or the roads are so twisty that I get off course and I'm frustrated because I want to go home but the roads aren't letting me." She closed her eyes and bit her lip before continuing seeming to have a hard time choosing the right words, "Do you feel like since the war has been over, your purpose isn't as clear?"

Zuko brought his brows together and thought about this, "Well, I knew I was going to be the Fire Lord and here I am so no, not really, I guess."

Katara snorted lightly, "I guess you're right," she turned to look back at the rapidly darkening sky.

"What's wrong?" he asked, gently touching Katara's hand.

"I don't know. It's like everywhere I go, I feel like a stranger."

"But you've been all over the world and from experience everyone who meets you loves you."

Katara smiled at that observation, "Yeah, I suppose, but it's still so easy to feel like I don't belong anywhere."

"Do you feel that way here?"

She bit her lip again, "No. I don't. And I think that's what bothers me."

"Why?"

"Because this shouldn't be home. The South Pole should. Or the North Pole. Or one of the air temples. But I'm most comfortable here and that's just weird to me."

Zuko sat up and rested his arms on his bent knees, sitting in a very unroyal position, "If it makes you feel better I didn't feel at home here for a long time. Sometimes it feels like it's just been the past year or so before I was truly home."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he replied, grabbing a stalk of grass and twisting it in his fingers, "But it's still very lonely here by myself."

Katara laughed gently and leaned in, "How can you possibly be lonely? You have throngs of girls thrown your way, thousands of subjects who adore and admire you, a palace chalk full of people. How can that be lonely?"

"I guess since Mai and I broke up, I've been lonely in that way."

Katara laughed again heartily, putting on a fake sad face and mocking him, "Oh, poor little Fire Lord isn't getting any and that makes him sad?"

Zuko flung his grass blade at her then ripped up several more tossing them at her, in mock anger. "Who you calling little, waterbender?"

She began ripping up the grass also and throwing it back at him, "Oh, excuse me, your royal heinie-ass." Finally after several minutes of throwing grass and flowers, covered in clippings, he lunged at her and they wrestled in an extremely unroyal fashion, until Zuko had her pinned beneath him, breathing heavily, her hair flowing like a halo around her face.

"Do you remember that night?" she asked, blue eyes sparkling up at him.

"Always," he answered, not needing a clue as to which night she referred to.

"Me too," her breath was heavy and her eyes darkened in a way Zuko had only seen once for the briefest moment on a beach a long time ago. Normally he was an idiot when it came to women and when to get a clue when or when not to make a move, but for some reason it was all so easy with her. Leaning down as best he could without squishing her under his weight, his lips slowly lowered to hers, half expecting Katara to push him away, instead her lips rose up and met his half way, her arms wrapping around his neck and bringing him the rest of the way to her.

That electrifyingly excitement, that moment, that feeling that he had searched so long for was right there and this time there was no pulling away, no stopping for uncertainty because the uncertainty had been left on that beach so long ago. They only pulled away to catch their breaths, to gaze into the other's eyes asking, pleading, if this was real. Was this the remaining path, that second crossroad, they needed to follow? The second kiss gave them that answer.

OoOoO

He had just arrived at the beach house after endless meeting after endless meeting; he was finally able to leave. Zuko stood in the foyer listening for voices but all he could hear were the sounds of the ocean below. His eyes found the painting on the wall, déjà vu overwhelming him as his finger traced the family in the picture and the three little handprints in clay still wet from earlier. The siren's song of the ocean called to him as it had before. Smiling in anticipation, he walked down the steps to the beach, his red robes flapping in the salty breeze. At the edge of the beach he gaze fell on the two little girls as they raced the tides while a woman sat beside an even smaller little boy in the sand making sandcastles. The little family's laughter filled his ears over the gentle lapping of the waves against the shore.

That swell of pride and belonging filled him in a way that made his heart soar each time.

Zuko didn't think it was possible for those smiling faces to get brighter but when they looked his way, they did.

"Daddy!" both girls screamed out at once. As fast as their little legs could carry them, they rushed towards him.

The woman and baby slowly rose from their sandy perch and followed the little girls, smiling just as brightly.

Zuko gladly bent down and lift the littler of the two girls into his arms, instantly getting her little arms around his neck. The other hugged around his waist burying her face into his stomach.

As the woman and baby approached, recognition swept over him and he smiled.

It was that girl who traveled with the Avatar all those years ago. The cursed waterbender who through fate's design was now his beloved wife and the mother of their three children.

He slid a hand past her hip to her lower back pulling her into him as well he could with the child she held and the child he held. He leaned his head down as she tilted her head up. As their lips came closer and closer until they finally pressed together, he felt it.

Love. Devotion. Security. Safety. More than anything though, he felt love.

It was so wonderful and he knew in his heart of hearts he would not lose this feeling ever again.

"I'll make lunch?" Katara offered as they separated.

"Please," he answered lowering the girl in his arms to follow her mother, watching Katara smile again, and herding the children up to the house.

Before following his family, Zuko turned to look back over the beach, half wondering if he would see his younger self feeling as if now he was the viewed rather than the viewer. He smiled knowingly out at the sand, hoping that if history repeated itself, his younger self would be this happy. Heading up the stairs to follow his family Zuko thought to himself that some nightmares can happily come true.

_Fin._

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**Well that was a fun little one shot that kept on going. I hope you enjoyed it too. I'd love to hear what people think, good or bad, it's all good. Thanks for reading!**_  
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